Don't feed the robot!
Really, I mean that. It's a robot. It's made of metal, and food makes the insides rust. You're better off feeding the goose. Perhaps the cousin named Shirley who lives in the basement. Don't worry about the cousin. He's not a robot, so you can feed him as much as you want. Yes, he's in the basement. He lives there. Coffin, UV-proof shades, all that. But we're not talking about Shirley. That robot.
No, Shirley doesn't drink blood. Don't feed the robot blood, by the way. It'll make the metal rust. Plus, it's just awful to clean up if you let it dry. Seltzer can take blood out of clothes, with enough effort, but--
I learned that from doing Shirley's laundry, of course. Yes, it really works. Now, the robot is at least 7' tall, or 9'8" if you extend the antennae as far as you can. Shirley can't do his own laundry; the washer and dryer are upstairs, and the windows aren't UV proofed. No, at night he goes out; during the winters he helps out, but in the summer there's just no time. He's got a job, you know. Now, as far as keeping the joints oiled, you'll want premium-grade lubricant. The robot will let you know how often; it's got a few built-in sensors.
Probably don't want it to take the stairs, for that matter; at 800 pounds, some stair systems won't hold its weight. No, Shirley doesn't have that problem; he can't be more than 170 at his most hydrated. Most days he's probably closer to 150. Sparkle? Why would he sparkle? Shirley doesn't really like body glitter. You say that's good?
No, Shirley isn't for sale. Why would you--?
I see. I tell you what; why don't you go downstairs meet Shirley yourself? I think he's hungry, anyway.
Anybody want to buy a robot?
Really, I mean that. It's a robot. It's made of metal, and food makes the insides rust. You're better off feeding the goose. Perhaps the cousin named Shirley who lives in the basement. Don't worry about the cousin. He's not a robot, so you can feed him as much as you want. Yes, he's in the basement. He lives there. Coffin, UV-proof shades, all that. But we're not talking about Shirley. That robot.
No, Shirley doesn't drink blood. Don't feed the robot blood, by the way. It'll make the metal rust. Plus, it's just awful to clean up if you let it dry. Seltzer can take blood out of clothes, with enough effort, but--
I learned that from doing Shirley's laundry, of course. Yes, it really works. Now, the robot is at least 7' tall, or 9'8" if you extend the antennae as far as you can. Shirley can't do his own laundry; the washer and dryer are upstairs, and the windows aren't UV proofed. No, at night he goes out; during the winters he helps out, but in the summer there's just no time. He's got a job, you know. Now, as far as keeping the joints oiled, you'll want premium-grade lubricant. The robot will let you know how often; it's got a few built-in sensors.
Probably don't want it to take the stairs, for that matter; at 800 pounds, some stair systems won't hold its weight. No, Shirley doesn't have that problem; he can't be more than 170 at his most hydrated. Most days he's probably closer to 150. Sparkle? Why would he sparkle? Shirley doesn't really like body glitter. You say that's good?
No, Shirley isn't for sale. Why would you--?
I see. I tell you what; why don't you go downstairs meet Shirley yourself? I think he's hungry, anyway.
Anybody want to buy a robot?
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